My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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