I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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