JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
