You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
