I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
