pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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