He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Come see our sink grown plant.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
