Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
