The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
