i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
