i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize