grandma shit on top of the toilet
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
