Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
