Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
