i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
