just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize