four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
