bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
