the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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