You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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