There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
