I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
