i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
