i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
