your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
