I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
