I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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