There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
