omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
