just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
