I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
