We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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