I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
