see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
