I have demons in me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
