Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
