I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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