I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize