How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
