Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize