Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
