I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
