this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
