i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
