he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
