I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
