dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
