eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
