bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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