so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
