Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize