in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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