The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
