do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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