I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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