we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
