Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
