I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Mom said you looked used
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
