Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
