Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
