I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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