The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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